Struggling to Make Friends

I’ve been struggling to make friends. I met this one friend that I care about, but my parents don’t want me to talk to him. I hate feeling stuck between a guy I like and my family. My whole life, people who I thought were my friends weren’t, and I need some help. I’ve had a bad past and need someone to call my friend.

One Comment

  • BYS Counselor says:

    Hi there,

    You sound like you are in a very lonely place right now: you don’t have people around you that you feel you can easily trust as a friend, and the one person you do care about is someone that your parents don’t think is a good person for you to talk to. You said you felt stuck – that definitely sounds about right.

    It seems to me that two things are going on: one is the situation with your parents about this guy, and the other is needing to make new friends. Let’s talk about them separately.

    It might be helpful to have an honest, calm conversation with your parents about why they do not want you to be in touch with this guy. You may not agree with everything that your parents say, but try your best to understand WHY they are concerned. In other words, see if, based on what they say they know, you can see their logic. And then if there are things they have misunderstood (ie, something about him, or maybe a situation that they heard about), and you can set the record straight, calmly say you’d like to share how you see things differently. If your parents can see that you are handling the situation maturely, and that you understand their concern, they may be willing to negotiate. It’s not a guarantee that they will change their minds, but clamming up and not talking to them, or sneaking around behind their back may only make things worse…

    Making new friends can also be challenging. It’s hard to put yourself out there, and until you click with the right people, it can feel like a lot of work. Get involved in clubs or teams at school, or volunteer at an organization you might find interesting, and introduce yourself to everyone. Try to be patient and open to all kinds of people when you are with new acquaintances – it might not be super fun the first couple of times you hang out together, but give it a few chances. Be patient with yourself, too – be a good friend to yourself, and if you are feeling particularly lonely, treat yourself to something you enjoy – a movie you like, making your favorite dessert, or maybe going for a run.

    In the mean time, if you have the opportunity to talk to a trusted adult (like a school nurse or counselor, or if you are near our clinic – make an appointment with us via https://askbys.org/appointment ). It will help to talk all of this out with someone and brainstorm different ideas, and give you the support you need right now.

    Take care,

    BYS Counselor

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