Staying Friends when Unable to Date

Her mom doesn’t want us together because she is too young, and even wanted to put a restraining order against me. Eventually her mom agreed to letting us be friends, but I’m afraid we’ll drift apart. What do I do?

One Comment

  • BYS Counselor says:

    Hi there,

    Sounds like you’ve been going through quite a challenge. From what you mentioned, her mom seems very clear that she doesn’t want her daughter to be dating, if she has considered putting a restraining order against you to make sure of it.

    First, I want to make sure to be clear that if there ever is a restraining order, it’s important you follow it. I know it seems unfair to you, but the consequence of NOT following a legal order can be big… and it doesn’t help you at all if you find yourself in legal trouble on top of everything else that’s going on.

    Now, second – whether two people will or will not drift apart is a challenge of any relationship, whether you are dating, just friends, married, or family. I know it seems like a bigger possibility right now, given the circumstance. But truthfully, for any good relationship to work out, two people need to both commit to contributing to it over time, whether you are dating, or just friends. And pushing on boundaries (i.e., breaking rules set by her mom) out of worry or anger may cause more damage over time. The best option you may have is to focus on being good friends with her, right now, as you would with all of your friends. And be honest about this with her, so she knows that you are doing your best to stay close friends. She is just as much a part of this process as you are.

    If you continue to stay close friends, then maybe your circumstances may change in the long-term. It may help to talk your feelings out with a trusted adult, or consider talking to a counselor if you continue to struggle with your feelings. I know it’s not an easy fix solution, but given your age (and likely her age), if her parent is putting limits on the relationship, then you need to work within those boundaries.

    Take care,

    BYS Counselor

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