I Would Not Have Marks

Posted by | January 12, 2014 | Abuse | One Comment

Whenever my mom and I fight my mom hits me. Things have been good ever since school started four weeks ago. We’ve hardly fought at all. She’s been going to counseling, because I refuse to go and she says that one of us has to. I don’t want to go to counseling because she has forced me to talk to so many counselors that I’ve grown to really dislike them. She’s not hit me much since she started counseling, but today she blew up. I think she was frustrated because she didn’t really want to go to work, and I can understand that because I sometimes feel that way about school.

Whenever we fight she yells at me, calls me names, swears at me, threatens me, mocks me, and hits me. She tells me that she wishes she lived alone and that she could send me somewhere. Today when she hit me, I suddenly felt like I wanted to hit back. I was angry. I didn’t want to stand there and take it. She yelled at me not to hit her, but I don’t think it makes sense that she can hit me, but I can’t defend myself. She also sent a policeman to our apartment after she went to work.

She’s threatened to ask for welfare checks before, but never actually done it, until today. It really scared me. A while ago, during a fight, I told her that hitting is physical abuse, but she said that it’s not and that I’ve never been abused. A few weeks ago we had a fight and I pointed out that she left red marks on my arms.

She asked me whose fault that was, and I told her that she’s the one who hit me. She said, “Who brought it on?” and hit me some more. Every time I think of the times she’s hit me, I feel really miserable. I’m genuinely wondering if it’s really my fault. Is it abuse? Am I responsible? It’s really frustrating. I don’t want to go to counseling, like I said before. I’d rather talk to her instead of being shoved in someone else’s face like my mom doesn’t want to try to deal with me.

I also wonder if she feels and remorse after she hurts me. Before school started, we were out in public and she noticed she left scratches and bruises on my arms. She was really nervous and wanted me to come up with a story. I thought, “If you didn’t hit me I wouldn’t have these marks.”

One Comment

  • admin says:

    We’re so glad you reached out for some help with the relationship you have with your mom. You ask some very good questions about whether or not the hitting is physical abuse. Each state has a Child Protection Services agency that can investigate and help you in your relationship with your mom. You are correct – the physical activity is abuse.

    It is NOT okay for her to hit you or to leave marks on you. You are not at fault that she hits you. This is a poor reaction she is allowing herself to have. By talking to a counselor, such as at school, you can get help with understanding what is going on and can look at the options available to you. Talking to a counselor is not shoving your problem in someone else’s face. By telling someone, you are easing the weight you are carrying.

    We have counselors that can talk with you and help you figure out a plan to be safe. We are available by phone 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We will listen to you and not judge you. We want you to be safe and we want you to remain that way.

    Take care and stay safe!
    Karen, counselor

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