Growing Apart From a Friend

Posted by | March 30, 2017 | Relationships, School | One Comment

I’ve recently realized that I don’t particularly like my friend.  She’s not a bad person, but I’ve started to realize that we don’t share a ton of things in common, she doesn’t seem to understand me, and she’s kind of annoying, like if I knock into her on accident, she’ll push me back hard, or she’ll just step on my feet or kick me.  I’ve told her to stop and that has worked but sometimes it still happens every now and then and it annoys me.  Also sometimes we just stare at each other awkwardly not knowing what to say as I desperately  try to think of a topic to talk about.  What I really want it to have a group of friends to hang out with, and although I have other friends, it doesn’t solve the problem.  We became friends shortly after I moved, mainly out of necessity, since I had nobody so I just clung on to whoever seemed friendly.  Another problem is that it’s the middle of the school year so it’s hard to make new friends.  How do I resolve my problem?  Should I just grit my teeth and wait it out until next year to make new friends?  Should I try to introduce my friend to some of my interests or take up some of hers?

One Comment

  • BYS Counselor says:

    Hi there,
    What a challenging situation. It sounds like you have a lot of things you are trying to figure out, like adjusting to a move and finding the right group of good friendships.

    In terms of this friend you talk about – it’s not uncommon to sometimes run out of things to talk about. If it feels awkward to you, I’m guessing that it might be the same for her too, and it’s okay if you spend some time being quiet, together. Maybe you can joke about it to see if she’s feeling the same way. “I’m not sure what to say – is this an awkward moment for you, too?” Or maybe that’s when you introduce one of your interests to her, or ask her to share one of her interests.

    I think expanding and sharing interests is something you can also try with all of your friends, including the other friends you mentioned. Friends do change, and grow, over time, and you will meet new people, or find someone in your class that you get along with, unexpectedly. So some of it is giving it time, and pushing yourself to be open to trying out new things and meeting new people. Are there other activities inside or outside of school that you can try? (Either to meet new people, or to get to know the ones you have better?)

    You might also want to check in with your school counselor. There may be other new kids who are feeling stuck and looking to meet others, too, and they might know who they are. And, they might know of other in-school or after-school groups you can try out to meet more kids.

    One thing that not ok is if the relationship is physically or emotionally hurtful. In that case, you need to ask her to stop (like you have), and if it doesn’t stop, it might be time to ask for a little help from a trusted adult (maybe a school counselor, who knows both of you).

    I know it can get frustrating to have to find new friends and feel like you have a good connection. It sounds like you are trying your best and being thoughtful about your relationships, so I hope that you might try out some of the ideas. Hang in there.

    Take care,
    BYS Counselor

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