Finding a New Friend Group

Posted by | December 08, 2016 | Feelings, Relationships, School | One Comment

I recently left my old friend group because there was too much drama and backstabbing happening. This was during the summer so it didn’t matter a lot because it wasn’t happening in school. On the first day of school this year I bumped into someone I was friends with when we were younger. I asked if I could sit with her and her friends and they let me. They didn’t really talk to me but I was fine because I still had someone to sit with. Things have been getting worse though. They always leave me out of all their activities. When I sit with them at lunch they whisper about things together, ignoring me completely. When I ask what they are talking about they just give me a look that says how annoyed they are that I asked. I do have a bunch of great individual friends but they all have their own friend groups with people that don’t know me, and people that I have tried to hang out with and have acted “too cool for me.” I just want to find a friend group with people that will accept me for who I am and actually pay attention to me.

One Comment

  • BYS Therapist says:

    Hi there,

    That is a TOUGH situation you are in – finding the right friend group can be really challenging.

    You also sound like you are someone who is clear on what kinds of friends you want to have. You are strong enough to leave friend groups when there is a lot of “drama and backstabbing”, and you want to hang out with people who are accepting, and not exclusive. Sometimes, it can take a while to find really high-quality friend groups, but I agree with you – it’s better to not be a part of a group that’s got a lot of drama, than to hang around with them and potentially get hurt anyway.

    Outside of the lunch situation, you have some good friends, and during the summers, you aren’t feeling so lonely; so, that tells me that you already do have some good connections. I think it helps to keep in mind that it’s only in some situations at school when things are tough. Maybe think of the lunch time as a project to tackle – try sitting with different groups where you are friends with one or two people – some days might be better than others, but you don’t need to feel like you have to stick to one group; or do you notice someone in a different group who also seem like they could use another group? When you look around, you might notice that there are others who are also hoping to connect, but everyone is a little too shy to reach out.

    As counselors, we hear from many students who are trying to figure out what to do during lunch time. You are not alone with your dilemma, and we also know that friend groups change over time – sometimes, you’ll make a great connection with someone after school, during school breaks, or while doing some extracurricular event together, and then that leads to spending time together during school. Each day might seem challenging, but over times, things change.

    In the mean time, if you are local to us and you think you might want to talk to a counselor to brainstorm other ways to connect with more students when you are in school, you are welcome to come talk to our counselors – have a parent fill out an appointment request form at askBYS.org, and we can get in touch to figure out when to meet.

    Good luck, and hang in there.
    BYS Counselor

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