Feeling Worse – How to Get Help

I’ve emailed here many, many times. I am now on anti-depressants that are supposed to, duh, help with depression but also my anxiety. The issue is that I am still feeling like crap. If anything I feel worse. I’ve been thinking of suicide so much; nearly every day, sometimes multiple times in a day. Same with cutting. I haven’t cut for almost a week but I don’t know how long that will hold. I’ve also recently realized I have anorexia. I always stop myself from eating because I’m so fat. I just feel like I can’t do it anymore.

My best friend has attempted suicide twice recently and I’m so scared of losing her. I know that if she attempts again she will probably succeed and if she does, I’m going too. I can’t be without her. My entire family treats me like crap. My mom and dad always yell at me for everything I do. Anything I’m doing, they can always find something wrong with it. My brothers both make me want to kill myself. They point out all of my flaws.

I only have a few friends I can really depend on. The problem with always being the one my friends come to with problems, though, is that they’re so negative and even when I’m trying to pull myself out of the black hole I’m in their problems suck me back down because I feel like I have to be there for them and I have to help them somehow.
I have a therapist and she’s very nice but I feel like with how well I know her I can’t really open up to her as easily. Even though it should be easier to open up to someone you know, it feels easier for me to open up to a complete stranger and know they won’t tell anyone.

One Comment

  • BYS Therapist says:

    Thank you for reaching out. It sounds like you have been going through a difficult time with your family. It is great you have found a counselor, but it will not help unless you are willing to be honest and tell the counselor what is going on. The counselor is your support and wants to help you. If you do not feel comfortable with this counselor, I would recommend looking for another one. The goal with counseling is to find someone you trust and can be vulnerable with. Most counselors are familiar with these issues and might be able to provide great support and insight though these difficult times. I would recommend share bits of your situation to your counselor and see how she processes it with you. If you feel comfortable with the way she proceed it sounds like a good fit. If not, it might be best to look for someone else.

    Please remember the crisis numbers. If you cannot talk, text START to 741741 and you can talk to a counselor via texting. This might be a good opportunity when you are at home and do not feel supported. Hope this helps.

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