Can’t Find Peace

Posted by | January 19, 2014 | Suicide | One Comment
I am depressed and no one can see it. Especially not my parents. I’ve emailed here before, many times… To be honest. I stopped responding to the counselors that continually emailed me because they anonymously called my school, told them I was in danger, and they took me out of class and told my parents. Maybe that wasn’t from this site, but, I’m going to be more careful this time. Anyways… I cant seem to find peace.. The only peace I find is in the thoughts that involve my death. The only happiness I get is when I have dreams.. Where I watch myself die.
I have tried many things to cope, I have talked to a counselor, they don’t help. I tried exercising, talking to someone I trust, writing in a journal, drawing, music, self-harming, I have tried everything. But these demons keep attacking me from every angle. I even created a website to help other teens who may feel like I do, but even then, that doesn’t seem to help me. I know I am depressed, I know I have clinical depression.. My parents just refuse to believe me. They refuse to admit their daughter is broken. I’m sad all the time, I have no energy to do anything, I hate going to sleep…
Because I know I will wake up, I’m seeing things that aren’t there, I used to love to sing, but now.. I cant stand it. I snap at everyone, even if its because the silliest things. I just want to be done. All I can think about is death, about killing myself. I cant breathe. I’m scared of myself. I’m scared of being alone. But at the same time, I want to kill myself. I want to end all this pain. I want to feel the life drain out of my body. I want to just be done. I know suicide is selfish; I don’t care anymore. I want to die.

One Comment

  • admin says:

    Hello,

    Thank you so much for reaching out for help! It must be very hurtful that your parents do not seem to understand what you are going through. Having such negative thoughts can be very difficult to ignore and it sounds like you have tried many things to get them to go away.

    We are very concerned about your thoughts of suicide. We understand that you’re going through a lot right now but hurting yourself is never the answer. We’re not sure if it was our website that you were talking to in the past but it sounds like they were concerned enough about your safety to try and get you some help. You were right, suicide is selfish and we hope you can find the strength within yourself to not do any harm.

    Sometimes having someone to talk with, like the school counselor, can be helpful and that may be why they called your school. Seeing as your parents are refusing to take you to see anyone for your depression the school counselor may be the next best option for you. We all need someone to vent to from time to time. It’s not healthy to keep all of the negative emotions bottled up to yourself. Please consider talking with the counselor again.

    If you would like to talk with one of our counselors, please call 1-800-448-3000. We’re here 24/7 to talk with you.

    Take care,

    Candi, Counselor

Leave a Reply

How Can We Help You? Seek Help