By Courtney Oliver, BYS Executive Director
The start of a new school year often brings excitement, with children eager to meet new teachers, make friends, and engage in fresh activities. However, as the novelty wears off, some children may begin to resist going to school, sometimes to the point of outright refusal. This change can be concerning for parents, but understanding the root causes and knowing how to respond can make a significant difference.
Stay Calm and Patient
It’s crucial to stay calm when your child refuses to go to school. Reacting with frustration or anger can escalate the situation and increase your child’s anxiety. By remaining patient and composed, you model emotional regulation and show your child that you’re there to help them through their feelings.
Understand the Root Cause
Understanding why your child is hesitant to go to school is key to addressing the issue effectively. The reasons could range from anxiety or bullying to academic struggles or social challenges. Encourage your child to share what’s bothering them by asking open-ended questions and listening without judgment. Identifying the root cause is the first step toward finding a solution.
Talk to the School
Reach out to your child’s teacher, school counselor, or principal to discuss the situation. They can offer insights into what might be happening at school and work with you to develop a plan. Schools often have resources to support children struggling with anxiety, academic pressure, or social issues.
Set Clear Expectations
While it’s important to empathize with your child’s feelings, it’s also essential to set firm expectations about school attendance. Let your child know that attending school is non-negotiable, but do so with understanding. Explain the importance of education and why going to school is necessary, reinforcing that staying home isn’t an option.
Offer Support and Reassurance
Children may refuse to go to school due to anxiety or fear. Provide reassurance that you’re there to support them, and work together to create a plan for coping with the challenges they face. This might include relaxation techniques, positive self-talk, or other strategies to manage their emotions.
Establish a Morning Routine
A consistent and calming morning routine can make a big difference. Prepare the night before to avoid morning stress, and include activities your child enjoys, like a favorite breakfast or quiet
time. A smooth, predictable routine can help reduce anxiety and make mornings more manageable.
Gradual Exposure
If your child’s anxiety about school is severe, consider a gradual reintroduction. Start with shorter periods at school and gradually increase the time. This approach can help your child build confidence and reduce their anxiety.
Use Positive Reinforcement
Praise and rewards can motivate your child to attend school. Celebrate their efforts, even if they’re small steps, and offer incentives for consistent attendance. Positive reinforcement can make going to school feel more rewarding and encourage a positive attitude.
Seek Professional Help
If school refusal persists or is linked to significant anxiety, depression, or behavioral issues, professional help may be necessary. A psychologist, counselor, or other mental health professional can help your child develop coping strategies and manage their emotions.
Be Consistent
Consistency is essential when addressing school refusal. Allowing your child to stay home, except for legitimate illnesses, can reinforce the behavior and make it harder to break the cycle. Stick to the expectation that school attendance is required, while continuing to offer support.
Collaborate with the School on a Plan
Work with the school to develop a support plan for your child. This might include accommodations like a safe space to go when feeling overwhelmed, extra academic help, or regular check-ins with a counselor.
By approaching school refusal with empathy, patience, and clear expectations, parents can help their children overcome their fears and anxieties, making the transition back to school smoother and more manageable.